This is late to the general mope-fest that is valentines day, but I wanted to share some amazingly bad valentines I got this year. I love valentines day (partly out of the idea of mushy love and all it implies, partly for the fuckton of candy. I'm a big 'candy holiday' supporter). I think being happily single, there is this idea that I should be pissed off or mopey or something because I'm so alone and boo-hoo that gets brandied about a lot during Feb. But fuck that shit, I got an awesome lil' bro and a ton of awesome friends. AIN'T NO TIME TO BE SAD!
So, I'm making fun of my valentines not because I'm not excited to get them (I am, trust me. I'm surprised people even bothered this year at work), but because I would've thought in 20 years that the production values of valentines would have gone up. Instead, its like all the companies went "Fuck this shit! we're making these mother fuckers regulation produced, son!"
Memory trip: Back in the early 90s (and what precious little I remember of the late 80s), valentines were usually all around the same size too, but they had different selling points - some had foil designs, some were pop-ups, some were die-cuts, some had little pockets for candy, and tiny envelopes to stick them in were the norm. Now, its like you basically get a fancy sticky note with no envelope. And candy is not recommended.
One more time in case you glossed over that last sentence.
Candy.
is not.
recommended.
is not.
recommended.
Candy.
On Valentines Day.
Batman ain't got shit compared to the face I made at a customer to find out that her kid's school district 'highly discouraged' candy. Even the mom gave a little eyeroll. "I guess its because of health and safety reasons," she said. "Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but let 10 year old's have candy on valentines day. It's just candy." Never caught the lady's name, but I totally agree. And I don't have a lot of the same views on kids as most suburban Midwest mothers, so that's saying a lot. That aside,...
I had such a hard time choosing a favorite, because they are all insane in their own right. Thor has the creepy, slightly sexual undertone to a message that is (presumably) being directed at 8 year olds. His 'come hither' look is just the cherry on top. Justin Bieber looks like a very lovely lesbian shop owner I know in the area only with an awful jean jacket. (The jean jacket trend died for a reason. If I was president, there would be a nationwide ban on the sale and distribution of all denim products not in pant form.) The Hippo looks like they literally clipped a 1976 Nat Geo photo from a magazine and blipped some text over it. Or just recycled a valentines design from 30 years ago -- I can imagine some guy in copy editing turning his head back and yelling "hey, are hippos still a thing? I mean- kids still like wild animals, right?"
I kind of want the beebs one to be my favorite because he's so hated by people-- He's like the 2010s Hanson -- its delightfully status quo to hate him. But at the same time, I'm so in love the non sequitor message on the hippo. I feel like they could have put any message over it and I'd still be delighted, even if it was a slightly backhanded non-statement like "You're never boring!" God forbid you were the kid who got the ostrich with the "Your body odor is usually unnoticeable!" card. It would be a night of eating ice cream out of a mug in the bathroom while listening to old Hank Williams Sr. cassettes.
But seriously, I am really flattered that I got any valentines at all. I'm not making fun of the people who gave these to me, just that they had an understandably small pool of stuff to choose from at Target.
Crafting has been back on the upswing, which is partly to explain for my lack of art. I got a really decent tax return this year, and I have been wanting to get an actual button press since college. This year, I finally broke down and bought one. This also means that I'll likely start making buttons for sale on etsy since my storefront has been delightfully dead for the past 3 years or so.
I've also been working on some screen printing projects with my brother and my work friend, which has gotten me to get reacquainted with my love for printmaking. I'm also going to start working on some designs of my own, hopefully to be sold as really small editions of prints or T-shirts. We'll see though -- I have to keep telling myself that crafts need to take a backseat to illustration things, but y'all know me and how ADHD I can be with this stuff.
I did manage to do two more speedpaintings, though. It's helping me to build a photoshop brush library, too, because as new textures come up i'm being forced to compensate for them in hopes of making rendering time shorter. The goats were on a 100 minute timer. The birds were on a 45 minute timer.
2 comments:
One of my co-workers calls Valentine's Day "Couples Obligation Day." I look at it as an excuse to sell "This holiday themed merch!" I also make fun of it just because I can.
But seriously, no candy?
We used to glue the little candy hearts on construction paper for valentines at school. I was one of the many weirdos who popped them off and ate them. The glue never hurt me. I don't see the problem.
But then I was also the one who wrote "You're less scary than the rest of the class!" on a valentine once. That would go well on a picture of a lion.
And great photos, er, speed paintings again! (Seriously, they do look like photos to me.)
@PB: f'reals, yo. no candy. I just don't get it. I understand if parents are trying to police High Schoolers or something, but we're talking about 8 year olds here. Let an 8 year old have a candy holiday and just back off the health troll/ fat shaming slant of it.
also, *blush* You really think they look like photos from the smaller bits? I need to get back in the habit of slamming one or two of these out. I have a feeling this next month is going to be sadness on a stick, so I dunno how much art i'm actually going to get out.
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